Gheebat oh Gheebat

Hati-hati. Nampak seperti bunga, tapi...

Hasan Al-Basri berkata: "Sesiapa yang datang membawa cerita orang lain kepadamu, dia juga akan membawa ceritamu kepada orang lain."

Kalau ada sahabat kita ceritakan pada kita tentang perangai buruk seseorang (yang tiada memudaratkan sesiapa pun), ketahuilah mengumpat cuma hobinya. Dibelakang anda, cerita anda telah dijaja merata-rata. Kalau sudah tiada siapa yang sudi mendengar hobi kejinya ini, maka demi memenuhi kepuasan diri, dia tetap akan meneruskan hobi tersebut tak kiralah samada di chat atau email atau yahoo group :P

Itu baru umpat ya. Gheebah. Belum lagi fitnah. Sebarang perkara yang walaupun benar tapi tidak disukai oleh orang yang diperkatakan sekiranya dia hadir bersama, itu adalah gheebah. Jika ia tidak benar, itu adalah fitnah.

Peristiwa saya difitnah dahulu menimbulkan pengajaran pahit manis terhadap kami sekeluarga. Tapi kuasa Allah menakjubkan, Allah menterbalikkan hampir semua 'doa-doa jahat' beliau ke atasnya semula. Allahu Akbar. Alhamdulillah. Dan doa saya dari dulu sehingga kini tak berubah. Saya tidak mendoakan yang buruk-buruk untuk mereka ini. Saya tak pernah mendoakan rezeki kamu putus, tapi sebaliknya saya doakan rezeki kamu bertambah-tambah tapi biarlah Allah campakkan dunia kamu jauh-sejauh-jauhnya dari dunia kami.  Biarlah kebenaran terbukti dan Allah berikan saya sahabat yang memberikan manfaat untuk dunia akhirat.

Berhati-hati memilih jiran dan teman.

Empat perkara termasuk unsur kebahagiaan seseorang: wanita (isteri) yang saleh, kediaman (rumah) yang luas, jiran tetangga yang baik dan kenderaan yang selesa. Dan empat perkara termasuk unsur penderitaan seseorang: jiran tetangga yang tercela, wanita yang tercela (buruk akhlaknya), tempat kediaman yang sempit dan kenderaan yang tercela.[1]

Riwayat Ibnu Hibban

(pic and sedutan kata-kata hikmah, credit to fb kak ekin)

(comel pulak kata-kata ni, walaupun agak childish but true oh so true)

[1] Sahih: Hadis daripada Sa‘ad bin Abi Waqas radiallahu ‘anhu, dikeluarkan oleh Ibn Hibban, al-Khatib al-Baghdadi (al-Tarikh) dan Abu Nu‘aim (Hilyatul Auliya’), dinilai sahih oleh Syu‘aib al-Arna’uth dalam Sahih Ibn Hibban (Muasasah al-Risalah, Beirut 1997) – no: 4032. Juga dinilai sahih oleh Nasr al-Din al-Albani dalam Silsilah Hadits Shahih (terj: Qodirun Nur, Pustaka Mantiq, Solo 1996) – no: 282.

Teaching her Bahasa

I wanted to write Bahasa Malaysia, but then again, was it really malaysia or melayu? huhu~ bahasa melayu? bahasa malaysia? bahasa 1 malaysia? bahasa orang melayu? bahasa orang malaysia? bahasa....blablabla

 Ive never talked about this in my blog. But here's my confession. I rarely speak in BM with the kids anymore.So, you can put all the blame on me - Im guilty as charged. (finally, i find this acronym -BM- really save me from the guilt and confusion of whether should i write malay or malaysia :P)

Who in the world, stop talking in their mother-tongue with their own (birth) kids?!! That is just absurd and beyond words. That is just...me. huhu~ 

Ok, admitting is the first step. Second step is the self defense. 

Obviously, it wouldnt take five minutes to realize that im just not a native speaker, not even close. Here is the only defense i could find - the kids seemed to understand and pick up more english words from tv, books, friends, surroundings etc, and i find out that they follow my words (read: instruction) much better if i say it in english. huhu~ how sad could that be?

Ok, the third step is to own my mistake. 

I realize that i certainly should get them to at least, get used to bm. So ive included BM lesson in my so-called-homeschool-lesson-planner.  

SO HERE IS AISYAH'S FIRST BM LESSON. 

KAKAK 

Me: You are kakak, right? Can you guess what letter does "kakak" start with?

Aisyah: C.

Me: Err..in BM, everything that sound /k/ starts with k, just like kangaroo that starts with k. BM is really different from English.

Aisyah: So how do we spell kakak?

Me: K.a.k.a.k! Kakak!

Aisyah: Why there's too many k inside one word? hahahahaha, that's too many k, mama.

EPAL VS APPLE

Me: So apple is called apple too, but with slightly different spelling. E.p.a.l. Epal!

Aisyah: Only one p? hahahahaha...  the spelling is different but the sound is the same! hahahaha

PISANG VS BANANA

Me: So Banana is called pisang, ok?

Aisyah: What? Pisang? Why do they call banana pisang? How did they (come to) use 'pisang' and not banana? That is so funny. Pi - sang -hahahaha

BEAR VS BERUANG

Me: And can you guess what is bear in BM?
Aisyah: I dont know~

Me: Bear is called beruang.

Aisyah: WHAT? hahahaha..Again mama, again

Me: Beruang.

Aisyah: Be-ru- what, mama?

Me: Be -ru- wang.

Aisyah: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha. Beru one. Ahahahahaha

Ok. 

I didnt expect all the laughing to last for more than half of the lesson time. Usaha tangga kejayaan. Esok cuba lagi :P

(p/s: i found out that most immigrant mommies in canada are sharing similar difficulty in asking the kids to actually converse in native language, be it BM, Arab, Bangladesh etc. They understand but they dont really speak in their native language, thus leaving the parents talking to them in their mother-tongue and the kids replied in English. I really hope she can speak fluent BM before we come back to our homeland, though i dont think that would be such a big problem either)

Sindrom Oversea

Just for fun, sebab saya rasa sama ja sindrom ni kat semua orang yang pernah tinggal di oversea. "Tinggal" yer, bukan "melancong". Kalau melancong, mana pernah tak seronok :P

Fasa Pertama: Honeymoon Babe Syndrome

Indah-indah belaka tentang negara orang yang kita tinggal tu.
- bangunan cantik
- jalan bersih
- penduduknya berdisiplin
- pasir lagi putih
- rumput lagi hijau

Semuanya indah-indah belaka.

Fasa Kedua: The Journalist Syndrome

Paling kronik, mulalah nampak keburukan negara sendiri.
- orang malaysia pengotor
- kakitangan kerajaan kat malaysia pemalas

dan seterusnya berlanjutan ke peringkat kita bercakap seolah-olah kitalah satu-satunya kelompok yang mempunyai kesedaran sangat tinggi, dan kita perlu bersuara kepada semua rakyat malaysia agar mereka membuka mata :P
- kerajaan malaysia perlu menyediakan sistem blabla... Cuba lihat kerajaan negara ... Mereka ...
- rakyat malaysia perlu bertanggungjawab dan berdisiplin. Pendidikan kebersihan sepatutnya diterapkan di peringkat institusi rumah dan pengajian pre-school sepertimana yang telah diamalkan bertahun-tahun..etc
- sistem keselamatan di jalan raya dan di tempat kerja perlu dipantau sepertimana .....


Fasa Ketiga: 'The Bouncer' Syndrome

Setelah bertahun-tahun tinggal di obersea, barulah mata hati terbuka sikit.

Orang jepun ni memang selfish. Everything is work. Serious sangat. Sistem imigrasi kanada ni banyak loophole yang menggalakkan kedatangan imigran dengan latar belakang jenayah. 'Kualiti kontrol' yang diamalkan oleh orang jerman ni bagus tapi terlalu ekstrim sampai ke tahap menyusahkan, nak buang sampah pun kena timbang berat sampah tu. Ada ker patut..

Fasa Keempat: The Fire Starter Syndrome

Tahap bosan yang amat sangat bila baru tersedar yang no matter how hard you tried to change your accent, or the way you mingle, you are still yellow and your taste bud is designed in way that it cannot tolerate food without cili or belacan or lots of garam.

Fasa kelima: The News Anchor Syndrome

Rasa teramat bahagia bila dapat balik semula ke malaysia. Tapi jangan ingat sindrom ni dah habis,

- asyik nampak jer kesalahan orang malaysia - 
Orang malaysia bawa kereta macam hantu. Kat jerman kau bawak macam ni, on the spot pegi balai
- asyik nak orang tau jer kita dari oversea
Dressing kena lain. Cara kerja biar nampak berbeza, obvious. Hobi dan dinner pun kena berbeza sikit.
- kalau orang tak tau jugak, kenala bagitau verbally kita ni pernah tinggal kat oversea
"Husband you buat phd kat UIA jer? Husband I buat kat jerman. 3 tahun jer dia habis tau."
"Apa nama ni? Lupa dah lama tak makan. Maklumla I tinggal 4 tahun kat Canada."
"Ridah I dah terberit tak boreh sebut dah perkataan yang ada huruf 'L', makrumra I tinggal setahun kat jepun duru."

Huhu~

Frasa Keenam: The Data Analyzer Syndrome

iaitu bila dah tinggal dalam tempoh yang lama dan lebih dari sebuah negara, makanya first day datang ke negara baru, dah terus jadi penganalisis negara tu...huhu~ sesekali, tak dapat menikmati seadanya sebab asyik ter'compare' jer dengan negara itu ini
(read: kamila tu.)

Bagus ker tak ada sindrom oversea ni?
Bagus - kalau kita bawak balik budaya, cara kerja dan disiplin yang positif
Tak bagus - kalau kita bawak balik budaya diri yang dicelup sana-sini.
Jangan terasa hati, semua orang dah merasa sindrom ni. Cuma yang membezakan kita ialah cara kita deal dengan perasaan yang bercampur-baur dalam perut.

Anyway, yang terbaik ialah jadi diri-sendiri. Orang luar takkan hormat orang malaysia yang kutuk negara sendiri, dan bersungguh-sungguh pulak bodek negara diorang, because the way they see about you or their own country is different.They really dont need your endorsement.

Tapi mereka akan respect kamu jika kamu dapat menerima budaya dan undang-undang mereka sebaiknya, tapi dalam masa yang sama memperkenalkan sesuatu perkara/budaya tentang malaysia yang mereka boleh belajar. Seronok rasanya bila orang tanya,

"All malaysian like this?"
"I really want to go to Malaysia. Malaysians sound warm and really nice."

Ramai kawan-kawan nak sambung belajar dan kerja di malaysia. Dan ada yang dah kat malaysia, kami jugak yang belum balik-balik. Seronok rasanya sebab kalau boleh, memang nak angkut kawan-kawan kat canada ni balik malaysia semua, sebab nak datang sini semula macam almost impossible. 2 hari dalam flight tuh..

Tapi akhir-akhir ni pertanyaan "all malaysian like that?" tu dah jadi intonasi lain. Stress betul la, kerana nila setitik, habis susu sebelanga. Orang punya peel, terpaksa pulak kami yang terima tempias. Argh~ malas nak komen. Yang penting orang tahu kami tak macam tu.

Nak tak nak, kamu adalah duta kecil malaysia (pinjam ayat sensei). Jaga diri, perkataan dan kelakuan kamu.

p/s: Artikel ni just for fun, I love my life in all the countries that Ive lived in, Japan was fun-oh-fun, life in europe was really a love story, and we 'grew up' in Canada.

BUT. Uwaa~ Homesick nih. Kalau ada direct flight ke malaysia macam kt jerman/jepun dulu, dah lama balik sendiri...

Is it Spring Yet?

Winnipeg.

Its winter has always been below -25'C. And the first Christmas here in 2009, the temperature dropped to as low as -46'C and I basically had to swim to get across to my apartment because the snow storm took place during quite a long weekend. But today,

 the roads were clear from snow.

the mean temp was always above -10'C. And last saturday, it was as warm as +8'C.

The view from our backyard. Basically, no snow man for this winter. Canadian friends joke about this year 1-week-winter  - that was last december where you could get a teeny meeny snowman if you were fast enough :P I wouldnt mind though. Winter has never been my favorite :D hehe. Alhamdulillah, Im blessed :)

And Aisyah? She officially declared it

"Mama! It's spring already!"

and added, 

"My birthday is coming soon"

hmmm....

Muslim Young Bride

And the western people said that we Muslim women are under great oppression and are often looked down as sex slaves. Thank you for your concern.

Child Married at Very Young Age
Their definition of young or very young is certainly amusing. 18years and above is the age of full legal responsibility. I have no objection whatsoever on this matter. But their perception that only people above 18 are highly matured and capable of making their own decision is very misleading and mmm..not so clever :P At 16 years old, when they were still busy playing farmville on facebook because they believe that they are still underage and should not be responsible for anything other then setting the home computer network or doing the lawn mowing once a while, my mother took a step ahead and started her own family and real life farmville at the same age. Just because they are not capable and REFUSED to take the responsibility and the joy of being in legal and traditional marriage, that doesnt mean that other people are not (should not be) capable of doing so. They should learn to stop talking about other people's culture and start looking into real world. 

Ms Facebook is not real, honey. Nor does Mr Google. Take a look into real life and real issues, not something about muslim women that you googled and can make you sound so intelligent if you can make a comment or two after you read them on the online paper. Since you love google so much, maybe you can start to read real issues on pedophile cases or pedophile priests or even child sex abuse - at least these articles were written by your own people, unlike many stories about one of us that were made controversial in the hand of dirty journalists (but still, you think you would look good if you copy and paste something about muslim related issues in your blog).

The problem is that they are comparing their green apples with our rotten ones. Now, some of them will begin to defend themselves by saying that these statistic (from the links i gave above) showing thousands of pedophile cases that happened in USA as 'unfortunate and isolated' cases and should not be made into comparison. Then, they should really listen to themselves. Freedom speech is practiced everywhere in western countries, but they seemed to be lacking of the "freedom to be heard" and "freedom to be wise". Thus, those who do the talking are likely to be only the absent minded people who read/listen less, less knowledgable, and have less shame, but are capable of doing more "convincing talk".

Let's get back to the young bride issues. I must say, at least, these young children are married, and these young brides' honor/pride are highly dignified. Let me make it clear that Ive never agreed on anything that would put a child to a condition that she could be sexually abused after marriage. The abuse which unfortunately can escalate to death penalty in the name of honor killings (which is rare in most Muslim countries) happened in few countries where regardless of the religion, women has always been poorly/abusively treated. They are cases involving Hindus, atheists, some Muslims. And you can always guess the name of the countries.

Although some stupid western people trying to impress their colleagues on their "vast knowledge" in international/ human right issues by 'generalizing' all issues that relate to muslims as religion issues, they failed to see that these are more to local cultural problems. There are billions of Muslim in this world today - Canadian, American, French, Chinese, Pakistanis, Saudis, Egyptians, Indonesians, Malaysians, Thais, Japanese...Now, you need to hear yourself again when you say anything about Islam, because you might be insulting some of your Japanese friends :P. Islam is a religion of peace. But culture and education are two main factors that contribute to one's personality and social life.  

Is the girl happy? How do you decide who is naughty happy or not?

There are worse cases in western countries. To avoid downgrading myself to the same level as these internet trolls who are playing Anderson 360 on every topic they googled, I would rather they do their own research the way they used to. Google.
- 1 in 3 soldiers - US military rape
- child murder
- newborn abused and killed
- pedophile cases: jaycee dugard and elizabeth smart
except for the last link above, the other links contain such heartbreaking stories, I would NOT recommend anyone to click on the second and third links.

I love to read unbiased report that everyone can benefit from, and like it even more if the solutions are proposed (rarely is the case). But here's an interesting one - this article here. The reference I show here isnt from any academic journal/sources, but the compilation showed some interesting statistic about 'single mother and the parenting problems/risks' and there were also citation for each statistic written (though i have no way in knowing how accurate these figures are). It is written there that 41% of these single mothers were never married. Im just...surprised, and at the same time i am really curious about the actual number/percentage of these women out of all women who have illegitimate child/ren.

Let's be fair.


Women and Children Sexual Abuse is not a problem that  happen only in certain countries. Or within certain community. Or restricted to certain religions.This is a global issue. Women have the right to protect themselves, and to feel secured, and to love, and to be loved.

I feel secured and very comfortable when I can choose my own dress that I put on myself.

Tipikal oh Tipikal. Saya Gumok ker?

"Nampak saya dah gemuk sangat ker sekarang?" tanya best friend kamu...

Hah, jawab jangan tak jawab. kekekeke. Typically, ada 3 jenis jawapan orang selalu bagi

Jawapan 1:
"Takderlaa...mana ada. Tak nampak punnnnnnn"
Mesti dia tanya balik, "betul ker nih? Cakapla betul2, saya serious ni. Ada orang tegur saya dah nampak macam gajah"...
Ok, sila settlekan sendiri masalah anda :P

Jawapan 2:
"Aha, memang dah nampak gemuk sikit la."
Mesti dia tanya balik, "Alah...nampak gemuk sangat ker? Kat mana yang gemuk? Kalau saya pakai baju macam sekarang nampak gemuk jugak ker?"
Ok, ni pun masalah anda, sila settlekan sendiri :P

Jawapan 3:
"Mmmm, betul-betul ker nak tau nih? Kalau saya cakap jangan marah yer."
Mesti dia tanya balik, "Alaa...ni mesti sebab saya dah gumok ni, betul tak?" (Ulang desakan pada jawapan no isnani)
Ok, obviously ni pun pandai2 settle sendiri yer :P

Apa jawapan yang perempuan nak yer dengan soalan macam ni? Saya yang perempuan ni pun konfius kadang2. Ada yang boleh terima ok jer. Tapi kalau yang tanya ni jenis vain sikit, serba-salah nak jawab walaupun kita rapat dengan dia macam isi kuku dengan isi kuku. Penat jer fikir macam mana nak jawab. Hmmm..last-last saya rasa ada 3 jenis jawapan yang boleh buat

1. JAWAB CARA USTAZ AZHAR IDRUS
Kelakar tapi serious.
"Hok dok kater kat kiter gemuk tu semua bodo belaker. Kiter bukan aper. Hok gemuk la cantik. Kurus sangat nok peluk pun dok ghaser aper, ye dok? haaa..tu mung kena fikir sendiri. "

2. JAWAB CARA TUN MAHATHIR 
Precise and concise.
"Yes you are a bit fat."

Kalau orang marah, sila tambah lagi fakta dan bukti konkrit:
"That's not something that you can hide, you can check the scale and see the obvious weight gain, compare it to last year weight."

Kalau orang tu menangis, peduli apa, she's asking for your opinion:
"That's a fact. Everybody can see that. It's just the matter of you accepting the fact or not."

3. JAWAB CARA ANWAR IBRAHIM
Retorik. Kalau boleh ulas soalan tu terlebih dahulu.
"Fat? Well, that depend on how you look at the issue. That's a serious subject, and at the same time a very subjective thing. It is a word invented by the..."

Bagi contoh yang takder kaitan takpa, asalkan dapatkan sokongan orang yang bertanya.
"I support all efforts to protect the right of overweight people to use the elevator, even if it means dismissing all the other people of 'normal and under' weight from using the same elevator!"

Bagi ayat bombastic sikit. Dan pelan-pelan tukar topik.
"We can hardly call a diagram of love illustrating an ample woman's anatomy that happen to has plethora as something that is not pleasant to the eyes. How about changing the definition of "fat"? The term fat is overused and archaic."


Haa... sila nganga luas-luas :D
---------------------------------

Merepek apa ni? Actually Im suffering from a serious weight loss. While other people kept asking, "do i look fat?" all i want to know is that "do i look way too skinny? and unhealthy?"

Although BMI still shows "healthy weight range", it is slightly on the lower side of the chart, and at risk of being 'underweight' :P You can check your BMI here. I know it's a problem since I don't feel like eating anything anymore ;(